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A Man Without Memory

出自香港新聞網 - 樹仁新傳系學生實習習作

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“Others told me that my grandmother was good to me, but I cannot remember.” William Chan, Hong Kong Youth Exchange Promotion United Association Executive Director, said today at Shue Yan University during his speech.


Joe Ng


A car crash in England eight years ago took away William’s 19-year-memmory. [When did this happen? How old was he? How long has he been living with this condition?]


A girl asked him whether he could remember her. The girl cried heavily after hearing “I cannot remember you.” She is William’s girlfriend. [Great sentence. Nicely organized, and powerful.]


“I have wondered whether I am a man,” William said. It is because the wall of his room is full of David Beckham’s photos; and his brother told him that he “loves” him a lot. Homosexuals are common where he lived in England. So, he has wondered about his sexual preference.


“I have thought about committing suicide at two o’clock in the morning,” William said. Luckily, friends give him great support. He has said to his friend, “Please, I cannot remember you. Why do you still waste your time on teaching me primary math?”


However, not all the “friends” give him their greatest support. Some seem friendly, but they told the others that William is pretending to be poor to attract girls when he was present.


Although he scored the full marks of 30 in the Hong Kong Certificate of Education Examination, he could not afford the advanced level exam after the accident. He lost the opportunity of going to the university at that time.


Once, William attended a speech of Chen Kwan-yiu, the former principle of Lingnan University. He is addicted to Chen’s educational spirit.


William wrote a letter to Lingnan University to explain his situation. After a long period of time, he finally got the reply, which gave him an associate degree offer.


His father was unsatisfied with the offer. He knocked on the principle’s door directly at eight o’clock in the morning. He said that his son had potential; he just needed the chance of an interview.


Actually, William had a chance of going to the University of Hong Kong at the same time. He eventually chose Lingnan University. Others may not understand his decision. He said that the student’s quality was more important than coming from which university.

[This is a well written article, and the grammar is very good. You only made a few minor mistakes here and there, which I have corrected. The biggest issue, really, is that the article lacks a clearly defined focus. After reading your article, it seems to be that the primary focus is William's struggle or journey to get into University. If so, you should have a sentence or two near the beginning of the article that indicates his college journey is going to be the focus. Something along the lines of "Despite his memory loss, William was still a bright man, who succeeded in getting into a good college" in the second or third paragraph. This sets up the college angle for later on in the story, and lets the reader know what kind of article this is.]

[Grade: A-]

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