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From heaven to hell, back with mercy

出自香港新聞網 - 樹仁新傳系學生實習習作

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From heaven to hell, back with mercy

                                                Fred Pui 
                                                29-11-2011

((A car crash, escaping from the death, losing his 19-year memories, this teenager fell from the heaven to the hell)-good idea, revise style). “I lose my memory; I even ((fractured about my gender)-unclear). However, I gain a lot after these recovering years,” said William Chan, Hong Kong Youth Exchange Promotion United Association Executive Director yesterday at Shue Yan University.

“I was the president of my secondary school’s student council, and I have a dream to study medicine in Cambridge University,” said William. Every teenager has a dream, but his dream broke on 9th May, 2003, a car crash brought his 19-year memory away. (repeating the same information from last paragraph)

Fortunately, William escaped from the death, but he had to worry about his future life. “I remember it was 12th may after the accident, I started to have my first memory.” William recalled his first memory.

The accident hit William from the heaven to the hell. (repeating yourself again)

“I started to worry about my future, a girl calls me and talk with me, and I just answered with who are you, and the girl said I am your girlfriend. Furthermore, originally, I think it was easy to recover my memory, but it’s not, I gazed at David Beckham’s poster in my room, and I stared to think who am I and am I a boy or a girl?” laughed William.(I think he questioned his sexual identity-orientation, rephrase)

Even William suffered from the accident, he think this change his life. “I really want to thank my father, it is him who beg the place for me to study again in Ling Nam University in Hong Kong,” said William.

If you do it, you will have good advancement. This is the motto William never forgets. “When you ((gain up from the trough)-unclear, is this a direct translation?), you will be very happy about it. When you have a hope to make progress, you will do it,” said William.

Although William’s life likes playing roller-coaster, he still faces difficulties. “Sacrifice, it is the most difficult thing that what we are concerning about,” said William.

The title is great, makes the reader want to know what it is all about. The word choice, and style make it quite difficult to understand the story. Use simpler, more direct words, and make sure all elements in your title are explored (mercy is not discussed).
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